Big Sean just released his latest project “I Decided” and it’s easily his most mature and compelling work to date. The concept of the album is Sean as an older man lamenting on his life and everything he did wrong and he has been given an opportunity to come back and get everything right. The intro starts with an older gentleman presumably Sean speaking to God “God I’ve been doing the same thing at the same place working the same job for 45 years, you know that. Shit just flew by, what am I really even doing. God I know we rarely talk, but every day I wake up I feel like I blew it, with my family, with her. These kids of mine don’t have no one to look up to. Should have been me. This job aint me man, this aint what I’m supposed to be doing in my life man.” Traffic zooms by as his voice gets louder. The intro is followed by the first song “Light” feat Jeremih and it’s the perfect way to start as the chorus plays “No matter how much they gone shade you they can’t stop the shine.” We all want to shine no matter what our situation.
I’m a man of a certain age pursuing a litany of dreams that all seem to be held at bay. I’ve been through a divorce and seeing my children every day to seeing them every other weekend. I’ve had a few relationships since and they haven’t materialized into much, mostly because I’m so suspicious of everyone’s intentions and its hard to be vulnerable again. Sean says “Last night took an L but tonight I bounced back, I’ve been broke as hell cashed a check and bounced back …If you a real one then you know how to bounce back” Word! It’s about being able to have so much resolve that you can take that blow to your life and get right back up and keep pushing. If you a real one you know that.
In the song “Jump out the Window” Sean’s older self is speaking to him letting him know that the woman he is so excited about may not be the one. I’ve had this conversation with myself a few times and I’ve taken a leap at least twice with nothing to stop my fall. It’s real out here. We don’t want to be afraid to love and we don’t want to give our love to someone who doesn’t want it. We can’t be petrified “Sometimes I wonder if you even know how much you worth, I got to know.” I find myself in a place now where I’m willing to love and I’m giving everybody the side eye at the same time.
It’s refreshing to see such a young man so in touch with his surrounding and who is willing to look inside of himself and share his experience. As Black men this can be challenging considering we are targets from every angle of the spectrum. Any sign of weakness can lead to our demise, but we need to be allowed to examine ourselves critically to truly know who we are. Big Sean’s project “I Decided” is an example of a Black man opening up and being honest with who he is and what he is looking to accomplish. It’s a project that reminds us that we are not perfect and we may come up short some times, but as long as we “Stick to the plan” we will succeed. So, as I continue to live I’m adding this to my life’s soundtrack as a reminder that I have to stay focused “Make sure all my interactions end with actions.” “Voices In My Head” know we can do better. “Focus on the inner me never on the enemy.” Great project Big Sean. Thanks bro.
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