Whats Good World!!!
Welcome to the fourth topic in this series entitled What Ladies Love.
The answers to last weeks question “What do you consider a deal breaker in a relationship?” were very interesting. The number one deal breaker is LYING. To be honest I was surprised I didn’t see anyone mention money. Im learning more and more each week. Sometimes are expectations maybe totally different from what people are actually thinking.
I sent out a few messages asking for a good question for this week and I got flooded with great ones. I could only choose one. Dont worry…Ill be using the others for the coming weeks.
This weeks question comes from Sondra. She asks “When is it the right time to introduce your mate to your children? How do you do it?”
I cant wait to see the answers for this one. Children are always a sensitive subject. By the way Ladies, invite the men over to participate. Share this blog on your FB, Twitter and Google +. Lets build this dialogue.
When is the right time to introduce your mate to your children? How do you do it?
This one is going to be interesting….check out a few comments below. Leave comments. Im curious to read what you think. 🙂
Rachel said: “Being a single mom and their sole provider its hard not to introduce your kids to someone especially since they’d be at your home. However I don’t allow them to see any sort of affection or spend time with that person. Does that make sense? I don’t want a bond to develop or them to see lots of guys hugging or kissing their mom.”
Rhonda said: “The right time to introduce your mate to your children is when the two of you have been dating for a while depending on how the relationship is going I would say 6 mths. If you have small children try a public place to see how they interact with the kids and if your children are older maybe over dinner”
Maria said: “That all depends on the children ages. If you have very small children/ toddlers, I would only bring my mate around when they’re not present. I would only have male company when they were asleep or visiting their dad for the weekend. If you have older kids/ grade school age, I would first introduce them in a group setting, fam function, family outing, something like that where there’s already a lot of other people around so its not so intimate and obvious. If you have teenagers/ high schoolers, it is what it is, I would say: “this is such and such, we’re going to dinner, be right back” (no explanation really needed).”
Faith said: “This is a toughy. U shouldn’t introduce your mate to your children unless you are certain that you want your mate to be a permanent part of your life. I think You should gradually acclimate your mate to your kids. No forced bonding. A little time here, a little time there.”
I know there are going to be some interesting answers to this. Comment…click the area right beneath the blog that says “reply” or the speech bubble at the top of this blog entry. -Precise
Check out the single from “Ladies Love Mixtapes the Ep” called “Take Our Time (Right Away) below
I agree with the above, I vary slightly as to where they should meet. I think public places are fine but in my opinion I would rather have them meet somewhere my kids felt most comfortable maybe at home, an aunts house, familar park something like that. I’m a very gaurded mother. My son is eleven and he has only met two men within the last three years. I agree my kids don’t need to see a revolving door of men in my home. To be honest, when is it ever the right time for them to meet? Kids can get attached so easy. I’ve learned so much this past year regarding this question. I can honestly say, the next time it would be when I’m considering marriage.
As a childless woman, I come from the other side of the fence on this one. I am never in a hurry to meet a man’s kids, especially if we’re just “kicking it.” Of course, if our relationship grows into something substantially more serious, then meeting the kids would be in order, but even then, it all has to be organic.
Mate is the key word in the question. It should not be use lightly when considering making such an important decision. If the person is considered to be a mate, it means that he/she shares the same values and beliefs that one wants in a mate. Who one allows to be in child’s life, will also play a key component in that child everyday leaving and future. One should take as much time needed to make sure
…the person being call MATE will be a postive influence in the child’s life.
AS A SINGLE MOM IT IS DEFINITLY A TOUGH DECISION BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL AT THE MOMENT EVEN IF ITS BEEN STEADY FOR SEVERAL MONTHS AND ON THE INCLINE THE RELATIONSHIP CAN DECLINE FOR ANY AND EVERY REASON AT ANY MOMENT. WHEN DATING A MAN WITH CHILDREN I AM SUPER HESITANT FOR THE SAME REASONS, I CAN ONLY SAY WHEN YOUR HEART AND MIND AGREE. ALL THINGS WILL COME TOGETHER, AND ALL THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. HELL SOME PPL HAVE MARRIED WITHIN 3 MONTHS AND STAYED TOGETHER FOR YEARS, SO EACH INDIVIDUAL AND CIRCUMSTANCE VARIES HONESTLY 🙂
Well…the question states,how would i introduce my child to my mate/when is the right time…hey, if he made it to the “Mate” title, then most likely he has met my son..in the past, the introduction happened in the beginning during the seriously dating phaze..where we hung out in our social circle functions now because of the lifestyle that i live, i put my best efforts into maintaining an environment that is kid friendly..so again..if he made it to the MATE title, then most likely he already knows my son, how we interact with each other and how we interact with others…what i find exciting is, how they interact together..because thats whats most important to me, i trust my son, i trust myself, and i operate off of intuition or indicators from the spirit..so for me, if you have gotten close enuf to develop sometype of lasting relationship with me,then its also safe for my son..if you give off that “not so safe vibe”, then no, you probably wont get to be on the same frequency as my kid, whether you are in the same room or not, kids kno, and can pick up on vibes alot quicker than we can sometimes. so if my son isnt comfortable, we probably wont get to the MATE status, which is cool too.
My answer is they don’t. Even with my oldest who is 20 years old and my youngest nine, if he is not trying to be my future then he will be none existed to them. As the other young lady stated he will only come when my baby is gone. Plus I have to teaching my girls values along with morals. A man will respect u as long as u respect yourself
Good question…well as a single mom this has been a hard one because I don’t want to confuse my child or let her get close to someone and things don’t work out and then they are out of our lives. I think it depends on what you are dating for let’s face it these days people date for the fun of it…me on the other hand my ultimate goal of dating is to get married. So I want to make sure that we have the same goal in mind before I introduce my child. I think early in the relationship once I know they are a contender I will bring him around in an open place like the park because I want to see how he interacts with my child. It’s important to see if they are a fit from the beginning then to find out later they are terrible with children or your child doesn’t want anything to do with them. I think children have a great radar for people whose intentions are not what they seem.
i would say definitely once you get to the point of an actual committed relationship…when you both decide together that the other is someone you are gonna have in your life long term…but never before things have been made official. i would put a time frame on it and say no less than a year of getting more familiar with each other for me before i would allow someone im gonna be with to be around my children…and even then, its not something that i would wanna just jump into, i prefer to gradually allow them to come around and be in my children’s company…